Before you say anything, it was my decision. She wanted me back but I said no.
I just had a moment of clarity, you know. I woke up.
It’s like… you know when you have an orgasm on your own ?
You know, you’re sort of lying on the sofa watching some porn movie you bought on a drunken, lonely night in Soho, and everything is really great. You’re getting totally turned on by these absurdly graphic images, everything seems so right, and suddenly… bingo! You wake up. And you’re lying there sweating, desperately looking for the tissue which you know is still in your pocket and the remote control which is somewhere on the floor, and it’s like walking in on yourself, you know. It’s just like “What you doing?”
That’s how I felt tonight, feeling my heart miss a beat every time the door opened. “What the fuck are you doing?”
Well, that’s love, isn’t it? A load of old wank.
Life just isn’t like the movies, is it? You know? We’re constantly led to believe in resolution, in the re-establishment of the ideal status quo and it’s just not true. Happy endings are a myth designed to make us feel better about the fact that life is a thankless struggle.”